Tag: marriage

Live Fast, Die… Eventually and Only if Absolutely Necessary

[ I read this essay at The Story Department in October for their From Beyond the Grave show. ]

I grew up in Houston, Texas. If you’ve never been to Houston, I can describe it for you like this: just imagine any dystopian movie and then replace all the crazed brain-eating zombies with crazed brain-eating conservatives and there you go.

To be fair, Houston’s come a long way lately, but when I was growing up there, it was the late 80’s/early 90’s. And Houston in the 90’s certainly wasn’t known for its picturesque parks, art scene, or lesbian mayor. Houston in the 90’s was largely known for its suburbs and its malls, neither of which I felt particularly drawn to. I knew there had to be more to life than to grow up, live by a big mall, and then die.

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Everyone Has an Agenda

I drew this comic last year and thought I would re-post it this week in celebration of the supreme court ruling on the defense of marriage act.

The Homosexual Agenda - The Truth Revealed!

I spent a good portion of my week at the state capitol building protesting a bill that would restrict women’s freedoms in Texas. When you try and explain things like sb5 and doma to a 5 year old boy and he looks at you like you’re crazy… not because you are fighting them… but because they even exist in the first place, it really puts it into perspective. Let’s all stop trying to control each others bodies and hearts. No one loses when we let others pursue happiness.

And if I have to pull out my mom-voice, I will: If you don’t like what he’s doing, then don’t do it. No, I don’t care if it’s bothering you. Just go sit over there then. Why do you care what he’s doing? Is it hurting you? Are you losing anything? Did he make you do it, too? No? Okay, then, now you go do whatever makes you happy and he’s going to do what makes him happy, and I don’t want to have to come in here again. 

Getting to know me

Since this is a brand new blog, I thought my first post should give you a little background on me and my family. I think the only way to really do that is to post highlights of some of our actual conversations this year:

That one time we got to go on a date:

[Actual conversation on the patio at Whole Foods]

Me: Do you want the apple fritter or the carmelita? Hmm, that sounds like the name of a European call girl.

Paul: Apple Fritter?

Me: No, Carmelita. Apple Fritter sounds like the name of a trashy southern drag queen.

Paul: [husky southern drawl] My name is Apple Fritter and I want to thank y’all for coming on down here to see me at The Chicken Neck.


That time Paul tried to eat old food:

[Actual conversation in my kitchen]

Me: Is that plate of food from breakfast?

Paul: Yes, but it’s still good, I left it in the microwave.

Me: Umm, food still goes bad in there, the microwave does not stop the food from going bad. There is still air in there.

Paul: No, it’s sealed. Look, if it wasn’t there would be microwaves all up in your face every time you used it.

Me: Okay, I’m going to stop talking to you now.


That time our son realized I might be crazy:

[Actual conversation in our car]

Me (as we are driving past the library): Hey library, yes I know I have a book on hold, but I’m really tired. If you could just bring that to my house that would be great.

K: Are you talking to the library?

Me: [insane laughter] Umm, yeah.

K (as we drive past the gas station): Are you talking to the gas station now?

Paul: Great, now he thinks you’re insane.


And finally, just a typical morning chat with my husband about our future:

image

It’s a good life.

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